ARTICLE: 5991 Path: taco.cc.ncsu.edu!news From: Mary Pat Campbell Newsgroups: ncsu.soc Subject: maligned,dead deities Date: Wed, 10 Jul 1996 13:59:17 -0400 Organization: North Carolina State University Lines: 47 Message-ID:<31E3EF75.41C6@quinn.physics.ncsu.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: quinn.physics.ncsu.edu Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.0b5 (X11; I; IRIX 5.3 IP20) Today's cause is my alter-ego Juno and her trials. In general, the double personalities of the female Greco-Roman gods are neglected; however, some particular members of the pantheon simply have a bad rep. Specifically, Juno is portrayed as a pushy, nagging bitch. You better believe it, buster. If your husband/brother kept running around with every empty-headed mortal just because they "kind of looked good", you'd be kind of nonplussed as well. I swear, Jupiter just isn't very smart -- he really was the runt of the litter. Pluto could kick his ass any day of the week. It's just because it was he who castrated dad (Saturn) (and then he threw those testicles in the water, producing Venus. Great going, Jupe. That lady's been nothing but trouble since she got here.) and got him to vomit up the rest of us. So we get out in our infantile stage and he's already all grown up. Whatever. It's true that I'm not fair that I pick on Jupiter's paramours-- it's not like they're allowed to resist. I'm just trying to give these girls a little more backbone. Furthermore, mortals have got to learn it's not fortunate to be favored by the gods. In any case, most of those "myths" and "legends" were disseminated by Jupiter -- or so he says. Probably paid off Mercury to do it. Jupiter doesn't know an alpha from his ass. The bastard is scared of me. He's got reason to. You only hear about me punishing the mortals. That aside, my godding realm is marriage. Did you know that? It's a laugh. I love irony. Anyways, do not anger me. I am powerful. I am smart. I am vengeful. Thanks for your time. mp