29 Sept 96
So I've been in NYC for over a month now, and some of it has seeped into my
skin. I don't miss my car, but the radius of my world has severely shrunk. My
longest "regular" trek is about 11 blocks north to the farmer's market (I hope
it's there tomorrow) -- my normal daily route is between Washington Square
Village, Warren Weaver Hall, the Catholic Center (soup kitchen tomorrow), Grand
Union, Sloan's (for potato chips). All of which are adjacent to my block.
New York seems to be a wonderful place -- if you've got people to hang with.
I know it's been only a month, but I'm sick of trekking to all events by myself
& leaving alone, even though I'm doing something as part of a 'group' -- whether
dance, a show, a talk, a reading, a Mass, a club meeting. I'm not even asking
for friends -- I just want people to hang out with. I'm getting tired of
reading, writing, rithmetic... I mean studying & doing crosswords, going grocery
shopping, and emailing the few people who email me back. It's funny that I and
most of the people I know, email the people we see most often. Out of sight,
out of touch. I'm guilty, too, so this is not intended as a guilt trip to my NC
friends.
In any case, I'm not exactly desperate yet, though I might be trying _too_
hard. Perhaps I should just live and see where fate takes me. It _has_ treated
me pretty well thus far. All I'm asking for, fate/providence/destiny/chance, is
an opening. In any case, I'll give myself until the end of the semester before
sinking back into my shell and pulling the lawn furniture in after me. In any
case, I _should_ be studying for my written exams in January.
If nothing else, I can start writing stuff other than this daily
pondering/fitful looks at my life and thought processes. It seems that everyone
around me is an author. I just read a play that's in my bookmarks -- called No
Problems. Reminds me very much of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead, at least
parts of it do. Lots of conversational sparring; a game of Questions taken to a
different level.
And all this reminds me of a day outside Lilly's & the Third Place where a
bunch of the Lillyputians got into a discussion about how life would be if one
were invisible and intangible. Oh the horrors, I felt I was in a Joseph Heller
novel -- Good as Gold, to be exact. I think it would be interesting to think
what it would be like if one was inaudible -- just seen, and not heard. How
would people deal with you, if you didn't have words to cover over one's
non-verbal communication? I'm thinking of going bird-feeding and
people-watching tomorrow. Hmmmmm.
I successfully avoided the book fair, in case anyone was worried, and I made
beer-batter bagels. I learned that one should make the holes big. They taste
good, they just look a little funny, like cartoon versions of an overblown tire.
I also went to the closest organic food market and was _amazed_. They had
hundreds of different types of juices -- every guava-something blend you could
imagine. "Milk" from a wide range of sources and even more types of tea. I
just drank something called "Manchurian Brain Blast" (I think that's what it was
called) that has ma huang, ginkgo, and another chinese herbal stimulant. Man,
I'm wired; can you tell?
I did the second reading this morning at Mass, and it was the longest
reading I've ever seen: Phillipians 2(?): 1-11. JESUS CHRIST IS LORD! Anyway,
this was one of the least spooky Paul readings I've seen. I like it when he's
being positive; he actually has good things to say when he's not bashing women.
I wonder why we're stuck with _his_ letters; maybe the publicists for the other
apostles were just a little lax. More likely, they couldn't write very well.
Or they were too busy with gospels, etc.
Anyway, I'm going to start writing something else, I think, somewhere else,
about something. I have a list of stories I have to tell, so I might just go do
that sometime. I just don't feel terribly inspired to do math right now. It
will still be there tomorrow.