Meepie Say... Enjoy Life.
13 May 2002
Ooooh... 13.... ill-omened number.
Eh, it's prime -- how bad could it be?
In any case, I've cleared out my office at NYU, and in the process I
came across my 6-years' collection of Chinese fortunes (plus an extra).
In the interest of purging all that is old in favor of that is new (I'm
sure that sentiment is echoed somewhere amongst the fortunes), I shall
diligently record all these nuggets of wisdom, sans smiley faces,
lottery numbers, and Chinese word for one's education (why have these
things become so burdened with text? Why not use the space for a poetic
quatrain?... A round of Versability?)
So here they are, ordered and categorized:
The "Oh that describes me to a T" stack:
You are a talented storyteller.
You have style and panache.
You radiate goodness.
You have great stories to tell.
(It would suck if I were a talented storyteller, with no
good stories to tell.)
You are a person of culture.
(Yeah, yogurt and cheese! Hyuk Hyuk.)
Your generous tendencies bring you admiration.
You heart is pure, and your mind is clear, and soul devout.
(Faulty parallelism!)
You find beauty in ordinary things - do not lose this ability.
You make people realize that there exists other beauties in the world.
(Like optimal strategy in video poker...)
You are always welcome in any gathering.
(Why haven't I gotten more party invites?)
How could I argue with those?
Aphorism Alley:
There is often a great contrast between interiors and exteriors.
(catchier: Don't judge a book by its cover.)
Silence may suggest wisdom.
(shorter than Lincoln's saying, but nowhere near as pithy. I don't
remember it well, but it was about when one is silent, one's wisdom is in
question, and when one speaks, one removes all doubt.)
You must play the game to win.
An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.
(equivalent to: Eat more yummy Chinese Food!)
Confident people are able to laugh at themselves.
It is worth reviewing some old lessons.
(Yeah, I forgot what a suspended chord was, I need to check up on that.)
A stable house depends on solid foundations.
(I think Jesus said something to that effect.)
There is usually wisdom in wit.
(Does Spongebob Squarepants count?)
The truly generous share, even with the undeserving.
(That's so annoying. They shouldn't encourage the undeserving.)
Ignorance is a powerful excuse.
("Teacher, I couldn't do the homework because I'm dumb."
"That's okay, Jimmy. You're excused.")
Willingness to compromise is often a sign of strength.
Do not confuse what is valuable with that which is sought after.
(Can't eternal wisdom be stated in a less stilted way?)
They Lie Like Dogs --
Out first and last love is... self-love.
(Hey! Isn't that sinful?)
The only good is knowledge and the only evil ignorance.
(I'd substitute the words love and hate.)
You will win success in whatever you adopt.
You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands to.
You will get it all done.
An investment in the community will reap high returns of good will.
(Being on the co-op board has only won me enemies.)
Friends, Enemies, and Family:
Emulate what you respect in your friends.
Emulate what you admire in your parents.
(anything to copy from one's enemies? clients?)
A diversity of friends is a credit to your flexible nature.
Mediation with an old enemy is advised.
(Begone demon belly roll!)
Keep your feet on the ground even though friends flatter you.
Treat your friends as you treat your most cherished relatives.
(Though nowadays people should be told to treat their
family as they do their friends.)
A friend asks only for your time not your money.
(so sisters ask for money?)
Ones That Actually Predict Something... or are Disturbingly Specific:
Your next meeting will be more productive.
Work methodically on one problem at a time.
You will soon be honored by someone you respect.
You will soon be crossing the great waters.
(Well, I =was= rowing in the Long Island Sound, but I think the
great waters crossed =me=.)
If you don't take care of your customers and employees, Someone else will.
(Wasn't this for the restaurant owners?)
Good news will be brought to you by mail.
Now is a good time to buy stock.
(I wonder if they can get in the same trouble that Merrill Lynch is in?)
Lead others to a difficult, but necessary, conclusion.
(Ah, I =should= prove the Central Limit Theorem at Mathcamp!)
Lame-Ass Fortunes:
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
(Oh, I wanted to avert it by shouting and waving my arms about. Thanks,
gracious cookie.)
Be stingy with your anger.
(Hmm, what about sharing with the undeserving? I shouldn't be stingy...)
You must acknowledge your weaknesses to become strong.
Do something new today.
It will get easier once you make the initial push.
(Hey, I don't need a cookie teaching me about static vs. dynamic friction!)
Your eloquence has a persuasive impact.
(I got this one twice.)
Relief will be granted if you request it.
Don't be hasty, prosperity will knock on your door soon.
("prosperity" is a very popular fortune word. See below for an interesting
use of it.)
Have confidence in your unusual perceptiveness.
(I can see the 5th dimension!)
An unexpected turn could become a life-long path.
Celebrate your identity by resisting categorization.
(No, I'll celebrate it by having some Jameson's.)
Others want to enlist you for your valuable assistance.
(They want me to do their math homework.)
Your best defense strategy is to adopt a cooperative posture.
You need to reserve more time for yourself.
One of your aspirations is within your grasp.
(Is that the aspiration to fit into my pants? Or my aspiration to get a job?)
Give yourself permission to celebrate.
(I'd rather ask for forgiveness than permission....)
The "What the Hell?" Category:
You will be loved fiercely for yourself.
(Um, isn't there a better adverb?)
You will be inspired by your conscience.
(I don't think that's its job.)
A new project will enliven your conversation.
(You see, I crochet hotplates out of AOL CDs, just so I can have
great stories to tell. See above.)
When in doubt, select one of the classics.
(But =Bleak House=, =Northanger Abbey=, and =As You Like It= haven't
been much help.)
Your life should be recorded for prosperity.
(I think they mean =posterity=, but maybe what it =really= means is that
I will write a best-selling memoir.)
...age is to ripen into a luscious...
(This one was ripped up, but the fragment is intriguing.)
Special Bonus Fortune:
"I will faithfully reward my people." - Isa 61:8
(Christian fortune cookie at church - heck, I =own= 4 Bibles. If I wanted a random
Bible verse, I could open one of them.)