Still at Mathcamp After All These Years

These are all parodies of Simon & Garfunkel Songs. Enjoy.

Bridge Over Pregel's Waters

by Meep, (to tune of Bridge over Troubled Waters)

When you've got a graph
Connects all through
You want to get from here
round to everywhere
Crossing just once -ohhh
Over each edge
But it just can't be done

Like a bridge over Pregel's waters
There's no Euler tour
Like a bridge back in Koenigsberg
There's no Euler tour

Odd degree vertices
(they come in pairs)
and when you find that you've
got more than two (ooooo)
You won't get round -- oh
there will be an edge
you just will not get to--

(chorus)

I times 2 pi

by Chris & Meep, (to the tune of I am a Rock)

A simple pole
f elsewhere analytic
Integrate around
a simple closed contour in the complex plane
it's twisty and it's windy and it's strange

I times 2 pi
2 pi i residue

Let's integrate
In the most improper way
Take it to infinity
When he have our contour -- a half-disk or keyhole,
if we've got bounds then we have reached our goal

I times 2 pi
2 pi i residue

When the winding number's 1
2 pi i residue.

Primeends

by Dave, (to the tune of Bookends)

Prime it was, and what a prime it was, it was
A prime that ramifies, a prime in discriminant
Down below it was 2, but in the Gaussians
It's 1+i all squared
That's how it factors

El Condor Pasa

by Meep, Evelyne, and Mark K., (to tune of El Condor Pasa)

I'd rather be a circle than a square
Yes I would, if I could, I surely would hmmm
I'd rather be a torus than a sphere,
Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would.

4-D I'd rather be 4-D,
Like the cubes
that Dali drew
I'm tired of living in 3-space
In 4-D knots
don't have a place
don't have a place

I'd rather be a conic than a line
Yes I would, if I could, I surely would
I'd live inside a bottle made by Klein...
Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would

The Mentor

by Chris and Meep (+others?), (to tune of The Boxer)

I am just a mentor
and my hair had ne'er been dyed
'Til the year I went to Mathcamp
and it turned a startling colour clashing with my eyes
I did my best
still my brown hair changed to fuschia hair
along with all the rest

When I left my home and my family
my hair was normal hue
in the company of Mathcamp
in the chaos of the office I was proselytised
indigo
leaching out the proper colours
where the melanin should go
Seeking out the places right down where they grow

Dye da dye dye da dye da dye da dye dye da dye
dye da dye da dye da dye, da da da da dye

Asking only purple highlights
I went looking for a dye, but I got no offers
just a bleach job from Dustin after 1am
Oh my hair
there were times when I was overcome
I near took scissors there

Now I'm brushing out my coloured locks
and wishing I was bald, going bald
Where the Manic Panic hair dyes aren't tempting me
tinting me, going bald

In the classroom stands a mentor
and she wears her hair of flame
and she carries the reminders
of ev'ry glove that bleached her hair
and dyed it till it pinkened
--so she tries to dye it plain
"I'm a brunette, I'm a brunette"
But the fuschia still remains

dye da dye...

Upper Bounds

by Chris and Meep, (to the tune of Homeward Bound)

I'm doing infinite summation
or an asymptotic calculation Mmmmmm
I've an integral to understand
We've got to keep it well in hand
and every step is neatly planned
But it could be castles in the sand

Upper bounds I wish I had
Upper bounds
Bounds! that I'll be knowing
Bounds! that its growth is slowing
Bounds! it won't keep on growing
to infinity

Trying to integrate a function, non-
zero on a set size epsilon mmmmmm
A function from Dirichlet
part of a measure theorist's day
all area gets thrown away
cos measure zero sets don't pay

(chorus)

Every day's an endless stream
of limits and equalities mmmmm
Derivatives that can't be found
discontinuity abounds
my proof just can't get off the ground
without the thing that makes it sound

(chorus)

Today I'll read my proof again
I'll check the logic, ifs and thens
But details keep escaping me
in increasing complexity
and every new mistake I see
reminds me that I really need

(chorus)

to infinity...

Sound of Silence

by Chris (to the tune of... the Sound of Silence)

Hello campers my young friends
I've come to talk with you again
Because the noises that we are hearing
Late at night when you should be sleeping
Yes the noises that we hear do indicate
You're still awake
Please make the sound of silence

Late each night the JCs roam
Through what should be a quiet zone
'Neath the halo of the hallway lamp
They make their way through the entire camp
And their ears are pricked for the slightest camper sound
None should be found
Should be the sound of silence

But in the narrow hall they heard
Near half the camp at least a third
Campers calling out without thinking
Campers up all night without sleeping
Mentors making plans for classes noone would hear
Who would be there?
Twas not a drop of silence

"Fools" said they "you do not know
Sleepless ain't the way to go
Get some rest so you can rise again
And be in class each morn by 9am"
But their words each night once more they fell
And echoed in the halls made silent

And the staff cried in dismay
At the campers' late night way
For the noise sent a clear warning
None would be in class in the morning
They feared that the words of the mentors would be
written on the classroom wall
MacMillan Hall
In empty rooms in silence

So once more campers my young friends
We've told you time and time again
In the evening after 10:30
You must be as quiet as can be
Once the digits on the clock count up to one
Waketime is done
Go to sleep in silence

Nonabelian

by Chris & Meep, (to the tune of Cecilia)

Nonabelian, you're breaking my heart
You're wreckin' my multiplication
Nonabelian, I'm down on my knees
I'm beggin' you please, please commute
Please commute

Thinking groups in the afternoon nonabelian
Up in the classroom (thinking groups!)
There are things that just can't be done
When a b a inverse b inverse is not one

Abelian, you're breaking my heart
You're wreckin' my multiplication
Nonabelian, I'm down on my knees
I'm beggin' you please, please commute
Please commute

Jubilation, it commutes again,
divide out by all commutators
Jubilation, it commutes again,
Divide out by commutators

Oh oh oh oh....

Mira, Dear Bernstein

by Chris, (to tune of Mrs. Robinson)

And here's to you, Mira Dear Bernstein
Mathcamp loves you more than you will know, woo woo woo
God bless you please, Mira Dear Bernstein
Our hearts hold a place where you will stay
hey hey hey
hey hey hey

We'd like to sing a little song to thank you for your trials
We'd like to help you learn to get some sleep
Look around you all you see are glad and grateful eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you find your Zome
and here's to you...

Hiding in a hiding place where no-one ever goes
Trying to make conflict free schedules
It's a tricky process, just Mira Bernstein's affair
Most of all you've got to try to please the kids
Coo coo kachoo, Mira Dear Bernstein...

Working in the office on a sunny afternoon
Having to miss the Pause to Think
Teach about math, talk about math, when you get to choose
Every day it's just more sleep you lose

For all you've done, Mira Dear Bernstein,
The whole camp turns its grateful eyes to you, woo woo ooo
Thanks for each day, Mira Dear Bernstein,
We're really sad we have to go away
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey

Mathcamp!
Meep, last updated Aug 2001